I can very easily look back on summer 2011 as the worst period in my life. It was horrible to live, and it upsets me to think about it. Since then my life has turned around for the better, and it happened in a matter of weeks. So why did I have such a bad day yesterday?
I consider myself very lucky. I have accommodation, family and friends, opportunity for education, a hobby I love, a job, and not just any job: its a job I love. Yet I still am struggling, why?
I can only conclude that sometimes our ability to live in the moment strips us of perspective. By comparison things are so much better now, yet it comes with its own unique challenges, some that feel equally as stressful to those over the summer.
Things are good, but what are the stresses of the day? Yes I am a lot better in terms of health...but I still have some healing to do and a fitness mountain to liberally climb. Yes I have a great job...but due to my inability to work over the summer the necessity to earn money outweighs all others. Yes I am doing a degree I love to bits...but I have to make compromises in order to earn money and work flat out with personal study to keep up with a degree that I cannot attend. Yes I have the most awesome hobby...but despite the uniform, it is still a hobby and therefore must drop to the bottom list of priorities. Yes, I get to have a lovely early morning bus ride that is beautifully relaxing, but I have to get the bus home in the evening having done a full day of work and 3 hours of study...in the rain.
My dad said to me once; imagine your current problems as a huge cinema screen size picture. You're living that life so you are right up close and only able to see the individual pixels...so nothing makes sense. Find a way to stand on the back row, and everything seems clearer and more manageable. Its something I've never forgotten. I may not have forgotten it, but the older I get the more ways I find to stand back.
This blog has been my chosen method of late, and I can't think of a more effective device for finding that perspective.
So with my new found benefit of perspective what do I have to say about my current circumstance? I've never been happier while feeling so terrible. I didn't choose to be so unwell over the summer, but I have chosen my current situation.
I've got a long road ahead, but the past few years has shown me that no amount of involuntary strife will stop me from putting my self in voluntary strife for a better future for me, my family, my friends, and the public. More importantly, i do so so I can look myself, my family, my friends, and my readers in the eye.