Warning: this is the most surreal, insomnia fuelled,
experimental metaphorical crap i've ever written.
Picture the scene. You've got Mr Big Spider in your bath, and the plug is in. No matter how hard Mr Spider tries, he isn't going to get out. He may be the strongest spider in the world. He may have a big family to support or he may be, were he not trapped in the bath, our go-to guy for all out fly catching needs. Mr Spider is much more useful out of the bath than he is in it, but the sides are so slippery it is impossible for him to make progress. He is not asking for anyone to help him catch flies, nor does he want to find a cosy corner to rest in, but he does need a little helping hand to get him out of the bath so he can continue supporting his family, and protecting the humans from flies.
|Spider cat, spider cat, does whatever a spider cat does.|
Can he swing, from a web, no he cant, he's a cat
Lookout...here comes the spider cat
When Mr Spider spoke to Mr Human, he was told that there was no possible way that Mr Human could offer him any immediate help...it would take at least a week for Mr Human to gain permission to help Mr Spider, and even then Mr Spider would not get help to climb out of the bath. Mr Human would, in a week, be able to give Mr Spider a small amount of money to help him survive in the bath, even though Mr Spider really wants to get out of it.
Sadly this is the only help Mr Human is willing to give. Mr Spider buys himself a sofa and a flat screen TV and sits in front of it for the rest of his days............
There are £2.5 million other baths out there, with £2.5 million spiders. Mr Tall Human can't be relied on to help, so maybe Mr Bath Owner needs to take matters into their own hands and pop a towel over the side of the bath for those Mr Spiders...better do it quick, before they all get too cosy on their new sofas.