The world is facing a new hospital super-bug set to go pandemic due to lax hospital policy and nurse apathy. Currently my whole hospital ward is suffering from the socially-resistant bug that is becoming a constant and persistent nuisance to other patients. Nurses no longer have the power or the confidence to tackle it head on, and policy has collapsed under the pressure of technological development. The World Health Organisation is silent on the topic despite it having an effect on patients ability to sleep, and therefore their ability to heal.
That's right, that twat on the train that insists on having a loud, prolonged and personal conversation on their mobile phone has been admitted to hospital, and has found his way into the periphery of my life. I am currently listening to what i imagine is the mid point of a 3 hour long phone conversation between 'the twat', as he shall hereafter be referred to, and some miscellaneous family member.
I usually smoke 1 a day...but these conversations have forced me out at least 10 times a day. I have just returned from a trip for 'fresh air', during which i discovered that i am not the only person who is being pushed to smoking due to this socially impotent moron. Apparently one of my fellow patients has been listening to the detail of these phone calls, and i am reliably informed that someone named "John" has offended 'the twat', and 'the twat' is ringing around everyone he knows to "say his piece". I cannot think of anything in the world i care less about, yet it is somehow infecting my consciousness with great ease.
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He cares not for the patient who just returned from theatre and who appears to be in agony. He cares not for the patient next to him who has just been told that he is going to die from the cancer that he has been fighting for 5 years. He cares not for me, as i sit here in pain slagging him off to anyone on the internet who cares to listen.
Anyway, he has just finished his phone call. We are all on the edge of our seat waiting for him to start playing the banjo, saxophone, or starts bowling a cricket ball down the ward...or some other similarly disruptive pass time.
Hospital is boring, but i would rather sit in silence than hear him talk about his militant haemorrhoids. I cant understand how people think such behaviour is acceptable.
His phone just started ringing, loudly, and of course he answered it with no regard for anyone else. I leave you as i remain defiantly British and return to my passive aggressive stares, eye rolls, and tuts.