As i write this a wonderful thing as happened. A fellow patient has taken the grenade on my behalf. The patient has just moved into the bed next to me, and has literally just come back from theatre. The chatty wanker, as he shall be hereafter refereed to, is talking at him. Big respect to the new guy, he is attempting to engage him...and i can feel him become weak under the pressure of the bullshit.
Wanker: so you've just come back from surgery? yeah i had an operation a few days ago and i have a pancreas and lungs, and a heart and legs etc.
New Guy: yeah i have just come back, i feel terrible
Wanker: You look okay, cause i saw my consultant this morning and i asked him what the worst case scenario is. He told me that the worst case scenario is that the hospital could collapse killing us all in the process.
New Guy: oh rite
Wanker: My daughter lent me her ipod, so i might be asking you for help with it later. I presume because of your age you know how to use it.
New Guy: no...
Wanker: oh rite i just presumed...so yeah my pancreas grew legs and made its way up my digestive system and laid eggs in my farts so now i have to carry a fishing net with me everywhere to catch the arse spawn everytime i break wind
New Guy: [enters coma]
Wanker: its not too bad though...you look fine...i am a bit worried about the arse spawn because i like big butts and i cannot lie.
New Guy: [coma continues...]
New Guy: [grunt]
Wanker: 9 hours and i said to the doctor can i have a smoke...i had everything done yesterday you see...i mean fair enough [mumble] and so by next morning tho time 8 hours had gone it didnt make that much difference... (i literally typed that LIVE, as he said it...)
Anyway...i think you get the message, i am going to kick him in his militant pancres if he keeps me awake tonight.
PS...he just popped his head round my curtains. Thank god i once again had the foresight to have my earphones in so i could pretend i couldn't hear anything. I now feel vulnerable...he may start making his way over. Should i try and play dead again?
Cookie to the person who spots the
link between these 'seemingly random' pictures.